A lot of us experience a false dichotomy in our minds. We think we must either allow people to walk all over us OR we must dominate them so that they treat us with respect. We grew up in an environment where love was given or withheld based on our behavior or even our emotional expression. We grew up with parents that either sacrificed all of their needs to please us or tried to meet them through exploiting others or us. Maybe you grew up with a mother that relinquished her needs and desires in order to avoid conflict and keep the peace. She would then communicate her discontent through passive aggressive jabs here and there. Maybe you grew up with a father that frequently exploded for what seemed like no apparent reason. He attempted to get what he needed through threats of rage.
We all have done and continue to do this on some level. Rather than speak cleanly and clearly about what we need and desire, we use manipulative tactics. We may try to make people feel guilty for not doing what we want them to do. We give the cold shoulder and ignore their attempts to connect with us. In essence, we PUNISH. We punish others through withholding our love because we believe that they are at fault for and need to suffer for the pain that we are experiencing.
But what if there is a better way? What if there is a way in which we can get what we need and have no one feel diminished in the process (including yourself)? Well, there is, and it is simple, but it requires courage. It requires the courage to keep your heart and mind open, sometimes in the face of pain or risking discomfort. That is why most of us don’t do it. Exposing ourselves to judgement, rejection, and heartbreak is not for the faint of heart. But, if you do choose to be courageous, you will experience much deeper understanding and connection in your relationships.